I’m still alive…

I’m still here and still writing, I just haven’t posted any of it. I’ll try to get something posted in another day or two, just as soon as I can have my hands free for a little while. Life has been a busy little whirlwind and I’m along for the ride. It’s exhausting, but I’m happy and enjoying all the changes.

Upcoming Book Critiques

So, I need to get back into writing. I need to start keeping up with this blog. And maybe, one day, I’ll write my own book like I keep saying I will. In the meantime, I might make some posts here and there for books I’ve read (and reread at least a hundred times) to share my thoughts on them. It’ll be a good time for me to work on some critical thinking too. Surface thoughts are all well and good, but sometimes the answers need more meat than, “the plot was boring and the characters were weak.”

I have a minor (major) obsession with dragons, so Anne McCaffrey’s books are probably my favorite. There are seventeen titles attributed to her Pern series. No, I’m not counting the ones that have her name and Todd’s. Sorry Todd, I hate your books, all of them. I might say something about that after I work through Anne’s books.

For a brief biography on Anne… She was considered a sci-fi/fantasy writer, though many of her works contained romantic elements. She is most known for her Pern series and has over 50 published works. She died at the age of 85 in 2011. Her children, Todd and Gigi, have her blessing to continue her stories. They have a third, elder sibling, though they don’t seem to be as interested in writing.

Now, I’m going to list the Pern books in order of publication – date of publication and then follow the date with a (chronological order of book) in the scheme of the stories.

• Dragonflight – 1968 (7)
• Dragonquest – 1971 (8)
• Dragonsong – 1976 (9)
• Dragonsinger – 1977 (10)
• The White Dragon – 1978 (12)
• Dragondrums – 1979 (11)
• Moreta: Dragonlady of Pern – 1983 (4)
• Nerilka’s Story – 1984 (5)
• Dragonsdawn – 1988 (1)
• Renegades of Pern – 1989 (14)
• All the Weyrs of Pern – 1991 (15)
• The Chronicles of Pern: First Fall – 1993 (2)
• The Dolphins of Pern – 1994 (16)
• Dragonseye – 1996 (3)
• The Masterharper of Pern – 1998 (6)
• The Skies of Pern – 2001 (17)
• A Gift of Dragons – 2002 (13)

I love these books. Something to note, these are all told in third person, with the possible exception of one or two of the short stories, and shift viewpoints between several different characters. The Chronicles of Pern: First Fall and A Gift of Dragons are collections of about four to five short stories. I own all but a couple of these books, but that will be rectified by the time I write their critique. As to which book I will critique first, I’ll decide that tomorrow. I most recently finished Dragonseye, but it’s easy enough to start with any of them. I’d also like to note, if consistency is something you like in your books, there are some consistency errors – points where the timeline of events seems to be out of alignment with other books’ events and typos in names. I’ll cover those in more detail as I start critiquing books.

Salutations

It’s been a while since I last posted anything – over a year. I’ve had a lot of exciting changes in my life. Most notably, I’ve moved and started a new job. It’s been quite the adventure. Presently, I have a bit of a cold, so I don’t anticipate making any new posts. I do plan to go back over last year’s posts and do some editing. When I’m feeling better I will start writing again. No promises on any kind of a time table or frequency for posts. I’m really not good at sticking to those and sometimes life gets in the way of the best laid plans. I’m still alive though, so I will be posting again soon.

LIFE Matters

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.

A while back I said I’d make a post over Black Lives Matter (BLM) in response to my own post over the Thin Blue Line. I find this movement or organization to be highly hypocritical. Black lives matter. What about everyone else? What about the police officers who want to go home? What about children? What about babies? At what point… does all life matter?

Life colors us with experience. The saying goes, “Once bitten, twice shy.” If you’ve ever met someone who’s been bitten by a dog you’ll understand. Not only are they cautious, but they’re terrified of being around a dog.

The irony with this even when one police officer does something bad – killing someone, rape, etc. – society still trusts them. We do things to be safer around them, but we still trust them to perform their function. We still expect them to show up and help us. So what does this mean for black people?

There was a black woman on a news/talk channel and she’s written a book. The host is a white man. He said to her, “You speak well.” He meant it genuinely as a compliment, but he immediately had to follow up with an apology and an explanation that he likes to tell people they speak well and he’s not being racist or derogatory. Isn’t that sad? We can’t just compliment people now without it being seen as racist.

I’ve actually had the same experience. In one of my gaming communities I met a young black man who spoke really well and I told him as much and then immediately apologized in case he was offended. His parents are educated and have good jobs and they made sure their family was cared for.

Black people are no worse or better than white, brown, yellow, or little green men. There will always be people who think more or less of someone for whatever reason. It isn’t limited to the color of their skin. It’s in the way they walk or talk, the color of their hair, the place they were born… Humans, no matter their defining features, are truly despicable creatures. Can we not be consistently nice to each other? Why must we spread misery?

If Black Lives Matter truly cared to make improvements for the black community they would look at themselves first. What is wrong within their community that they could fix? They could offer programs to help people find jobs. (The government already does this.) They could clean up their streets. They could offer assistance to families in need. (The government gives assistance too.) They could offer counseling to struggling families. They could make more church programs and help build libraries.

If you want to fix something you don’t go burning the world around you. How does that help? Now your face is tarnished with this image of you destroying the work of someone else. Nothing is free. If it’s easy and readily given to you you’ll never be satisfied. There are plenty of people willing to extend a hand to anyone in need – black, white, purple people eater. But why should anyone want to help you if you’re just going to bite the hand reaching out to you?

Big Changes

Hey all! Sorry I’m really bad about keeping up with things. I know I keep saying I’ll do better and then fail to follow through. I’ve had some pretty big changes recently in my life. I got a new job and a boyfriend. It’s been exciting and terrifying. I’ve been with one job for five years and to suddenly change is a bit scary, but I’m really excited about this change of pace. I’m looking forward to working in my new job. I guess I’ll throw out this disclaimer now, better late than never, but I am terrible at keeping anything resembling a journal. I’m going to do my best to post things, but it might be slow for a while.

Checking In!

So, first, I’ll apologize for my looooong break in writing. I know I said I’d do better and then I didn’t. I’ve been struggling with a lot of things for a long time and sometimes my demons get the better of me. Recently things have started to look up for me and it’s been so refreshing. I’ve gotten a new breath of positivity in my life.

After searching for two years I’ve finally gotten a new job. I’ll be leaving fast food to work in retail, though I’ll be working in the food section of a grocery store. I’m really excited for this new direction in my life. I have a lot of learning and adjustment to do, but I’m ready for something new. I’m nervous. It’s a big change and change is frightening. I can’t wait to start this new chapter in my life. I feel like this is the herald of more and greater changes to come. I can’t wait to see what’s coming next. My optimist thinks things will only get better from here.

Not even one of my demons can destroy this positivity. I’m holding onto this new high for as long as I can. It’s even prompted me to take new steps in dealing with this demon.

A while back I wrote three stories on suicide from three different perspectives. I wrote a follow-up post on inspiration. I have been living in a state of depression for a long time and half of my life has been spent wishing for death. Lately I’ve been dealing with a group of people bullying me online. I’ve made support tickets to the company and gotten some lackluster responses. They’ve gone to some extreme lengths to slander me. I have faith that in the end the truth will come to light and justice will prevail. I have one more step I can take and then I might consider some legal action.

Dealing with these people has been difficult for me. I honestly don’t know how well I would have borne this trial without the help of my friends. They’ve all been wonderful support to me, even if I haven’t said as much or thanked them as I should have. Shout out to all of you. I love you so much. Please, everyone, never forget that you’re not alone. There are always people in your life who will be there to help you when you can’t see the way out yourself.

Some other changes in my life include exercising more, spending time with my dog, and more time spent writing – away from my computer. My computer is my worst distraction! I take a notebook and sit on the front or back porch and write by hand. I have been doing this every morning for a couple weeks now and I believe it’s also been a huge contributing factor to my improved mood. I’m working on even more changes in my life. I’m doing some online training for different certifications and I have a bunch of books I’m trying to read. I’ll get through them all, I hope. I have so many! Maybe I should set myself a goal – finish at least one book on my reading list by this time next month. (Reminder set in my phone, so I’ll let you guys know if I made it or failed!)

I’ll write again soon! Promise (for real this time).

Thin Blue Line

Supporting something does not mean you agree with everything, it simply means you believe and trust in it.

I’ll preface this by saying I’m sorry for not posting anything sooner, but fear not, I have been writing. I have three drafted posts saved and after I review them I’ll post them. They need some cleaning up.

On my way home tonight I came across a “Checkpoint Chickie.” There were four police cars and the officers checked the license and plates of every car passing through. My parents have warned me of such things and others have told me that sometimes officers stop people just to check to see if they have their licenses. It was an interesting experience since I’ve been driving for a while now and this was the first time it’s happened to me.

Now, I am a small, white woman. I have far less racial bias to deal with, but that does not make me any less susceptible to danger, violence, or crime. In fact, a week or two ago I passed a car on the same road only to have that car aggressively tailgate me, keep their brights on, and pass me illegally. The most unnerving part was the fact the car turned around. I assume to look for me to harass me some more. I will say I did also brake check them a couple times because I was annoyed both by the brights and the tailgating.

Probably not my best idea, but after they passed me I slowed way down to unlock my phone and dial in 911. I had it ready just in case they did turn around and did harass me again. Luckily, I did not see them behind me, but I did take a longer route home and eventually called the police to report the car and driver. I’ve dealt with road rage before. I’ve had people follow me to work and tell me they were going to beat my ass. I’ve had people get out of their cars in the middle of the road and charge at my car.

Road rage is not okay. If at any time you feel unsafe while driving do call the police and try to give them as much detail as you can – type and color of the car, license plate, and direction of travel. If time has passed also indicate that to the police.

I support the Thin Blue Line. I trust them to help me. I trust them to come when I call. I trust them correct me when I’ve done something wrong. I’ve gotten tickets before and rightfully deserved them.

Now, if you’re upset or offended by those statements, please go read the start of the post again before continuing. I have a story to tell you.

People don’t like President Trump. I don’t feel particularly about him one way or the other. He is simply my president. I have vague memories of President Bill Clinton, stronger memories of President George W. Bush, and the elections for President Obama and President Trump were ones I was able to vote in.

When President Obama was first elected it was historic. He was a black man as president and he had some radical ideas and agendas he wanted to push. When everyone was in an uproar and people were saying they would assassinate him I remember my mother telling me, “He is your President. Whether you agree with him or not, you should support him. It is not an easy job and there is a system in place to check and balance him.”

So, whether you agree with the police or not, they also need your support. There are laws and there is a system. Sure, some of them may be crooked or dirty. Sure, some of them get away with terrible things. The bad ones make the news, but you rarely see stories about a good police officer. You rarely hear whose life was saved or how they supported their community or how they improved someone’s day. And when something goes wrong… who else are you going to call?

Evie talking to Beni in the movie The Mummy.

That is my favorite scene in the movie The Mummy and one I have been thinking about a lot lately when something bad happens. Even if I can’t right the wrong, if the system fails me, then I fully believe in the end something else will come back to balance everything out.

The police are only human. They make mistakes just like all of us. They have families and dreams for the future. They want to survive another day. I think they also want to do good for their communities. So while tensions are still high, I hope people will take the time to think of the good the police do. Remember that. Remind them of that. Tell them thank you and wish them well.

We have a system. The system allows us to petition and lawfully assemble. The system allows us to make change. I’ll cover Black Lives Matter (BLM) in another post. It’s hard to feel good, much less do good, when the world is against you – when they think of the worst of you.

Checking In

Well, I’m past due for a post like I promised. This one is going to be a short one – just letting you know I haven’t forgotten and I’m still writing things.

I’ve been working on some pieces about perspective and trust. There are some hot topics I will be getting into while I talk about them, so consider this forewarning. I will touch on the police, black lives matter, and pro-life/pro-choice in those posts. I will attempt to take as neutral a stance as possible, but that may not work out. So please, just read these posts as they are intended – perspective pieces. Please try not to get upset. Please try to take time to think about them. This is important.

Too often it seems we are all very happy to share opinions without listening, considering, and then replying in a thoughtful manner. We let our heart run away with our head, but we need our head to check our hearts. Something like that saying about spending a day in someone else’s shoes. It is difficult to get yourself to slow down and stop and think. It is difficult to get other people to understand that you want to think and give a thoughtful response. Especially when I am upset I tell people I need them to give me some time to think about things because I am too emotionally engaged.

So, look forward to those posts in the next few days. I will be busy with work today and tomorrow, but I may get one out tomorrow or Wednesday. I’d also like to remind everyone that the Fourth is this weekend, for people in the States, so try to enjoy any festivities your state or city does safely. We are still dealing with Corona, but that’s no reason to stop living. I’m still hoping for fireworks even though I may not be able to see them from my house. I plan on a quiet holiday spent with my family and dog (and cat).

I’ll close this song with a throwback to a song I enjoyed while I was in school and struggling with things. It’s been a few weeks since I posted the stories on suicide and their inspirations. I will warn that this song is about suicide, something that is on my mind almost every day. I do find this song to be beautiful and hopeful.

Corona Mood – 6/22/20 #3 Observation

There’s been a long pause in these observations. I’ve been dealing with some issues in some online communities I’m part of. When the Corona Virus came very little changed for me. Aspects of my life were different, but I was still #essential and still going to work. This, perhaps, gave me a false sense of normalcy.

While some aspects of my work and life were different, nothing really felt different. I would have to say the biggest difference I’ve felt and seen is in the online communities. Everyone became a bit of a shut in and their only connection with other people came through the internet. I know I mentioned in an earlier post how certain moods seemed to appear, grow, and spread.

Things are starting to return to normal. However, in America, there are protests and riots. This might all be conjecture, but I feel like everything is only so bad because of the time people have had to spend shut in their homes and self quarantined.

Humans, by their nature, are social creatures. We like to have a community and a sense of belonging within it. The dynamics and roles of this community shifted while we were out of contact. We’ve been confined to our homes and local cities. With the restrictions easing and people beginning to move again I would hazard it’s almost like someone with an addiction. The first high of being able to move is going to be great and now we’re seeing the angst people were holding onto.

Everyone copes with the stressors of their lives differently. Sometimes we find these methods on our own and sometimes with guidance from others. Sometimes, instead, we fall into bad habits. Then there are some people who never fully learn how to deal with stress. I think this is what we’re seeing now, in part, with the protests and riots. It’s hard being in one space all the time unless that’s something you are used to. Not to mention if you have roommates or family you’re staying with and suddenly all of you are stuck together.

Maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, I don’t know. I think it plays a part though. People don’t naturally exist in a state of anger or agitation. They need a reason to be that way – whether they manifest it or the environment creates it. I believe, in part, the violence and destruction we see in these protests stems from the emotions and energy pent up during quarantine. That’s not something I’d be able to find out though. I don’t have many contacts with people involved in either.

Coming back around to online communities… While I may not know everyone involved in them very well, it seems that certain people have soured. Certain types of communities bring out the worst in people and people will feed on as well as enhance these personalities in others.

For example, several years back Guild Wars 2 had a great PvP community. Then GW2 decided they wanted to be part of esports. There were tournaments and leagues and it became highly competitive. The community prior to this had been extremely helpful. A few people were toxic – had a bad attitude and vicious towards others – but many other players would keep them in line or balance them out. Slowly, even those players disappeared. Either they quit or they became toxic themselves. The community that had existed disappeared, but only in this facet of the game. In other areas the community remained as nice and helpful as it had always been.

In my experience, games with high elements of competitive play or player vs player (PvP) tend to be the worst. They bring out the worst in people and you either become like them, remain the same, or leave. These communities tend to have a higher volume of people who are toxic, exhibit aggressive or antagonistic behavior, and bullying. These are hard to deal with, even in normal circumstances. In circumstances like these where a higher than normal number of people are becoming engaged in these communities there are greater opportunities for these personalities to feed each other.

I guess we’ll see how things unfold in the next few months as well as in the following years.

Struggling with Life

It’s been a while since I’ve written. After my last posts I was filled with self-doubt. I felt I was being overzealous and ambitious by making too many posts too quickly and anyone who might be reading my blog would be annoyed or overwhelmed with how much I was putting out. I was also dealing with a lot of stress that spiraled out of control.

So I’m going to try getting back into the habit of posting frequently no matter what. This blog is for me. “Haters gonna hate.” So let them, but this is for my leisure and pleasure.

I learned from that week of posting I was much happier and able to deal with stressors in my life than when I stopped. Writing is cathartic for me. It helps me process things going on in my life and view things from different perspectives. Perspective is something I’ve been working on for about a year now. Occasionally I get trapped looking at things one way and I have to pull myself back to shift my focus and recenter myself.

Plan of Action

• I was asked to write some other short stories covering different topics – bullying, lgbtq+, teen life
• I have my own plans to write some short stories on a character I made in a game – adopted daughter to a dragon
• More posts about Covid 19, I feel like these will be import later on
• Meditative writing
• Creative posts – posts using music, images, or lines for prompting
• Perspective posts – something covering a hot topic like the protests going on right now
• General or check-in posts

I will try to write one of these every day or every other day, at least. This is something I want to do and I will do it. Doing something is how you get better at it, right?